then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
