And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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