I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
