have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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