i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
