Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
