My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
