Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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