So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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