Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
