No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
