yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
