The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
