Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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