can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
