I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He passed out mid-signature
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
