Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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