Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
