the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
