WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
