i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
