So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
