i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
