Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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