Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
