i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
