i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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