No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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