I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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