the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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