OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
