dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
