i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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