There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
