I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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