man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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