guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
