yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
