Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
