yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
