I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
