Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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