Who did Billy Mays play for?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
