I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
