He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
