I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
