You smell like stripper and shame
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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