He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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