We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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