$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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